On New Year’s Day 2005, Melissa’s 4th baby was due. Aged 35, Melissa
began experiencing symptoms of preterm labor this time a year ago. Her doctors
were concerned and advised her to stay off her feet. Since Melissa had a 3-block
walk to the nearest bus stop, following medical advice would have meant missing
medical appointments, if not for Healthy Start’s emergency transportation
fund.
From Mary Lewis, her Healthy Start Care Coordinator, Melissa received support,
understanding, and practical help. With a referral for taxi rides, she was
able to reach all appointments critical to maintaining a healthy pregnancy.
She took Yellow Cab taxis to her doctor’s office, the WIC office, her
counseling appointments, and the Women’s Resource Center, where she attended
their “Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life” class. Earlier in
her pregnancy, she used a bus pass from Healthy Start to attend the Women’s
Resource Center’s Challenge class. “I wish all women could take
a Challenge class,“ she says. “I want to be more self-sufficient
and more confident, able to take care of myself and my baby, and the class
helped more than anything I have ever done. It’s perfect for women trying
to become more independent.”
Without Healthy Start ‘s help with transportation, Melissa says, “I
would have been in trouble.” Late in her pregnancy, she was so short
of breath that it was hard to walk. Friends who could provide a ride work during
the day. Melissa didn’t want to take a chance that her baby would be
born too soon and too small, so without the taxi rides, she would be tempted
to miss important appointments. With the help of Healthy Start, Melissa delivered
a full-term baby of normal weight last December 20th, giving her something
to really celebrate on New Year’s Day. Today, Ronald, Junior, is a healthy
10-month-old, who has benefited from breastfeeding. He reflects the sunny disposition
of his parents and siblings.
This is the life story of Bobbie Calderwood, as told to Sarah Gorman. Bobbie's story illustrates the transforming power of love between parent and child. It also shows the effectiveness of the system of support in Sarasota County that provides help to women and children at risk.
I am 32 years old. I was born in Tennessee and moved to this area in my teens. My biological father and my stepfather were both abusive and I left home when I was 16. At 18, I married, and we had 2 sons, the first when I was 19 years old. My husband was abusive and alcoholic, but although we separated several times we remained married for more than 10 years. I wanted a better life at home, but I believed that I needed a man in my life to make me whole.
In my twenties, I became addicted to cocaine. I used other drugs too and sometimes drank, but cocaine was the drug in my life. I had not graduated from high school and I did not see the way to a better future for myself and my children. I was depressed and I felt worthless. My husband put me down and he did not seem to respect me.
Even though I had family responsibilities, I told myself that I was only hurting myself with my addiction. In fact, I would tell myself that my children were better off without me. I lost custody of my children because of using drugs. I entered treatment and later regained custody of my sons and reunited with my husband. For three years I was clean. But then I relapsed and used drugs regularly for the next two years. In late 1997 I became pregnant with my third son during a time when I was addicted. He was born in September 1998. One day, I OD'd and passed out after taking about 12 different drugs at the same time. I was at home with my mother and my toddler son. My mother called an ambulance because she thought I needed medical help. I was taken to a treatment center and charged with neglect of my son, and I was sent to jail.
Later, I missed a court date relative to this charge, during a period when I was using cocaine. As a result, I went to jail again in 2003. At that time, I was five months pregnant with my fourth child and I had been using cocaine during my entire pregnancy. I requested treatment.
On a day that I had a positive drug screen, a Healthy Start Care Coordinator came to talk with me. She spent more than an hour with me. What I remember from that talk was that she never made me feel like a bad person. I felt absolutely worthless, not only for being addicted, but for using drugs during my pregnancy. I knew what that could do. But my Healthy Start Care Coordinators always saw me as a human being. Although I had made horrible decisions, I was not a piece of trash. They showed me that if I made right decisions in the future, a world of opportunity was in front of me. Later, I attended a Healthy Start Coalition meeting. It was eye-opening to me that everyone at the meeting seemed to respect me, treating me like anyone else – not like a crackhead on the street. Healthy Start helped me get counseling, and provided help with clothing, diapers, and financial assistance for other baby things that I needed.
I entered the First Step Mothers and Infants Program in November 2003. My daughter Madison was born on February 8, 2004, a full-term baby weighing 6 pounds, 5 ounces. She has been evaluated at the Early Intervention Program and everything so far checks out fine. She is a beautiful and friendly little girl and I have been breastfeeding her since birth. Through First Step, I have received parenting classes, nutrition classes, and HIV education. They helped me get enrolled in WIC.
Since I entered the First Step program, I have been reunited with all my children, and I see them every week. My 13-year-old son wrote to me last year saying that he did not want me to use drugs or to lie. He wrote that if I could not stay away from drugs, he did not want me in his life. I believe that he wrote this letter on his own, without being coached or prompted by anyone. The letter touched me deeply. When I see my sons now, I talk with them frankly about my situation. I tell them that I love them and that I want to earn their trust and deserve their love.
During the last ten months, I divorced my husband, completed my GED, and began taking business technology classes at SCTI. I would like to work in an office after I receive my certificate. Because of my past, there are jobs that I will never be offered, but I know that I can find honest work and make a contribution. I like people, and for a while when I was clean I was successful at a job in sales.
I am receiving counseling from Linda Miller through Healthy Start, and I have received counseling at SPARCC to help me recover from the sexual abuse I experienced during childhood. I am due to graduate from the First Step program on October 28, 2004. After that, I hope that I will be able to enter the FAITH program of the Salvation Army, but this is not certain as I am on a waiting list. The FAITH program would provide a home and groceries for me and my children for a year as long as I work full-time. They require that I save part of my salary and attend classes to learn about budgeting, parenting, and how to be responsible for a household.
If I am not able to enter the FAITH program in the fall, my daughter and I will live with my mother for a while. My mother left her husband soon after I left home 16 years ago, and she has stood by me through everything. She has supported me in everything I have ever done, except for using drugs. I don't blame her now for what I experienced as a child, because I understand better what she was facing then.
I want to remain honest with my sons. I am sorry that for years I put myself and the men in my life before them. Now I want to put them and turning my life around before everything else. I have faith in God and this helps me. I believe that Madison, my daughter, was sent to wake me up. It was during my pregnancy with her that I realized that what I was doing was not just hurting me, it was hurting an innocent child. And that is when I asked for help and treatment. I know I could have died on the day that I OD'd. This pregnancy literally saved my life.
Now, Madison's father visits her every week. I see all my children every week. And I have remained close to my mother. It's like a miracle to realize that through all that has happened, all these relationships have been preserved. My children know that I love them, and their love is giving me strength.
My ultimate dream is to be clean; to have all my children under one roof; just to live and be happy with my kids. I want the bills to be paid and to have food in the refrigerator. I have been in bondage, not really living, for half of my life, so what I want now is just to live.
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